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Oct 13

Thankful

I remember when I was pregnant being so anxious to meet the little one that me and his father had cooked up. What would he look like? What kind of personality would he have? I couldn’t wait to meet him. When I finally laid eyes on him for the first time, he looked exactly like I had pictured him. Almost five years later, he is still the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. And I can’t imagine having been blessed with anything other than the special little being that I got. I’m so thankful.

I know in my heart that we were meant to travel this journey together. That I am the best possible mother that he could have been given and he is the best possible child that I could have had. Of course, this is coming from a woman who has no plans for a second child. If that ever happens, I’m going to have to go back to my blog archive and delete this entry. I wouldn’t want it to be in writing that I had a favorite.

Remember when your aunt Betty used to send you and your siblings the same gift, only in different colors? Didn’t you find yourself wanting the one that your sister had gotten? Or years later if you were undecided at a restaurant and your boyfriend ordered something that you ended up salivating over so much that he agreed to trade you (if he loved you, that is). Thankfully, humans don’t seem to routinely covet each other’s children. It’s one of the few exceptions to human nature that I’ve ever witnessed. I haven’t met one parent who wasn’t completely satisfied with their gift. I’m sure people like this exist -but I am proud to say I don’t call them friends.

Parents of typically developing children might think that we envy them and wish we had been blessed with their children instead of our own. We don’t. We are grateful for what we have been given.

My angel has cerebral palsy so I was given physical challenges. I have to do a lot of lifting and transferring and I am my son’s own personal gopher. “Mom, I’m thirsty. Mom, I need a toy. Mom, I don’t like this part of the movie – come here and change it to a good part. Mom, MOM, MOOOOOOMMMMM!” (I never let it get to the MOOOOOOMMMMM stage by the way). When he was about a year old, I had started getting regular chiropractic adjustments. I need more but I can’t afford them at the moment. Doctors warn me of impending back problems. But God equipped me. I am extremely healthy and before Phoenix, I didn’t know or even realize that I had more energy than other people. It is also just a little bit humorous that he gave me a bossy child, knowing that I have an inherent aversion to being told what to do.

The other day, I took Phoenix to a special needs soccer league. He was the only child there with physical disabilities. The other children were mostly autistic. They were running up and down the field and there I was, pushing Phoenix in his walker, wishing I could get a break like the other moms sitting on the bleachers. I bet a few of them were watching me thinking, “Look at her. She has it much harder than I do.” Funny, I was thinking the same thing.

So your kid is able to walk, run and get himself ready in the morning. He might be cute, smart, athletic, sweet, kind, musical…gifted in every way. Maybe he is the next president of the United States. But he is not Phoenix Jose. He is not my own little angel blessed with his own gifts and destined for greatness, in whatever form it may come.

Thanks God. He was just what I wanted!

3 comments

  1. Phil Dzialo

    Thanks for finding my site. I will look forward to following your very inspiring story. Walking this journey is difficult, but you have found the gifts and joy along the way…warm regards to both of you!

  2. Betsey Moe

    I love this post! I love my nephew, but my own children are meant to be mine. It’s funny — I don’t have a problem wiping my own children’s snotty noses, but there’s nothing grosser to me than seeing another snot-nosed kid!

  3. Race Brown

    I love your post, “Thankful”. What many people would call a problem, you see as a blessing. As Wayne Dyer says – “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Your heart, soul and perspective are definitely in the right place, and as a result you are the best mother Phoenix could ever have. Thanks for sharing during our recent chat – your honesty is refreshing. See you soon.

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